The time-travel theory of the Large Hadron Collider

While bad news for the LHC, the 2008 accident was auspicious for a strange (some might say “insane”) theory proposed by two otherwise respectable theoretical physicists. In a series of papers, Holger Bech Nielsen of the Niels Bohr Institute in Copenhagen and Masao Ninomiya of the Yukawa Institute for Theoretical Physics argued, in essence, that the LHC would never be fully operational because nature would not allow it, furthering that the LHC’s creation of the Higgs Boson would send ripples backward through time to prevent it from ever happening in the first place!

Nielsen and Ninomiya took as weak evidence for their theory the fact that the Superconducting Supercollider, a particle accelerator being built in Texas which was slated to be even bigger than the LHC, was canceled by the U.S. Congress after years of construction and expenditures of $2 billion.

“Such a cancellation after a huge investment is already in itself an unusual event that should not happen too often,” Nielsen and Ninomiya wrote, calling the event an “anti-miracle” (to which many Americans would undoubtedly reply that an act of stupidity and lack of foresight by Congress are hardly miraculous).