In fact there are hundreds of studies on the relationship between stress, health, and power. And they virtually all show the opposite of the executive monkeys. Biologist Robert Sapolsky has studied baboon troops in Africa. He finds that the lower the baboon’s rank in the pecking order, the more likely it is to have high levels of stress hormones and stress-related illnesses. But a high-ranking alpha male, who can mate with any female he chooses and take out his aggression on any lower ranking male, has much lower stress. If executive apes exist, these are the ones.

Evolutionary psychologists often talk about the brain as a Swiss Army knife, with a particular gadget “designed” by evolution to solve each evolutionary problem. But the stress response is no Swiss Army knife — it’s a sledge hammer. The stress response is an all-purpose Code Red that reacts in a similar way to different kinds of threats. The hyena charging from behind the grass elicits the same kinds of bodily responses as the boardroom full of bosses evaluating your PowerPoint presentation. The brain triggers a release of stress hormones including adrenaline and cortisol, causing the heart rate to spike. Glucose floods the system to release energy. All that energy is diverted to muscles in the arms and legs as the body shuts down non-essential activities like growth and digestion. That’s great for running or fighting, but no help for remembering your opening joke.