We could use some vulnerability, some flaws, some evidence that you have failings like the rest of us or are capable of, you know … angst. As far as I can tell, the only publicly released photographs of you smoking are from the series taken when you were a freshman at Occidental — the ones where you’re in a bomber jacket and Panama hat, looking all “Super Fly” (but also kind of dorky)…

Instead, show us you’re real. Light up just once and let a photographer catch you. Don’t look at the camera, just appear to be deep in thought, as if you’re solving the Middle East crisis right then and there. Just once, why not let us see you being less than perfect. Make it your last cigarette: It ought to satisfy enough cravings to last forever.