At least Gretchen Whitmer got one political tradition right this week: the non-apology apology.

After participating in a weird submissive-porn version of Catholic communion, or just a demonstration of how Kamalites operate, the governor of Michigan has gotten a deluge of outrage and criticism. Catholic bishops in all seven dioceses in the state issued a statement demanding an explanation and apology for Whitmer's campaign video for Kamala Harris and its "offensive impact" in mocking the Eucharist. Clearly, the bishops recognized the imagery Whitmer and Liz Plank used, since they see it every day in their own parishes:

The Bishops of Michigan have expressed their “profound disappointment and offense taken” with Governor Gretchen Whitmer for posting a video skit on social media showing the state's Governor feeding a Dorito corn chip to a kneeling podcaster in a manner that is widely being perceived as a mockery of the Holy Eucharist.

“The skit goes further than the viral online trend that inspired it, specifically imitating the posture and gestures of Catholics receiving the Holy Eucharist, in which we believe that Jesus Christ is truly present,” said Paul A. Long, President and CEO of the Michigan Catholic Conference which represents the seven dioceses of the state, October 11.

“It is not just distasteful or ‘strange;’ it is an all-too-familiar example of an elected official mocking religious persons and their practices. While dialogue on this issue with the governor’s office is appreciated, whether or not insulting Catholics and the Eucharist was the intent, it has had an offensive impact.”

Indeed, although as I wrote earlier, that's not all the video did, either. Whitmer role-played a priestess in a cult setting rather than make an argument for her preferred policy. Even without the trappings of Catholic practice, the video makes progressives and Democrats into a cult and its elected officials as idols to be worshipped, as Plank clearly demonstrated, rather than public officials to be held accountable. 

Plus, if you believe the other interpretation, Whitmer and Plank used a submissive-porn motif to model what the two apparently believe is the proper relationship between elites and the masses. That's "masses" with a small-M, of course. YMMV, but all of these interpretations could apply simultaneously ... and probably do. (Read my earlier argument on all three.)

The Diocese of Lansing graciously posted Whitmer's response to the deluge of criticism, as well as the statement from the Catholic bishops of her state. Rather than issuing a mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa, Whitmer instead insists that she didn't have any ill intent in making this video with Plank. She only apologizes that her argument got misconstrued:

“Over 25 years in public service, I would never do something to denigrate someone's faith. I’ve used my platform to stand up for people’s right to hold and practice their personal religious beliefs. My team has spoken to the Michigan Catholic Conference. What was supposed to be a video about the importance of the CHIPS Act to Michigan jobs, has been construed as something it was never intended to be, and I apologize for that.”

Exactly how does placing a Dorito on Plank's tongue while she kneels before Whitmer present an argument about the importance of the CHIPS Act? How in fact is this a policy argument at all? The video looks more like a prelude to a WHIPS Act. To the extent it argues anything at all, it argues for submission to elected officials in the manner of idolatry, transforming Whitmer into some sort of goddess-queen to be obeyed, not a public servant with a duty for accountability.

We can skip the offense to my fellow Catholics. Anyone who believes in self-governance should have been offended by Whitmer's video. And the high-handedness of this bizarre scene continues with this non-apology, which seeks to transfer the onus of offense from Whitmer to her constituents. It's a classic example of an "I'm sorry you couldn't grasp my genius" statement that politicians use when they need an apology for PR purposes but resent like hell the idea that they actually erred in the slightest.

In other words, it's yet another manifestation of Whitmer's egotistic elitism. We apparently should all kneel and consume this statement in the same way that Plank received her Blessed Whitmer Dorito.

So how should Whitmer apologize? She should start by acknowledging that the entire video was offensive on several levels, and had little to say about the CHIPS Act in the first place. A simple "hoo boy did I screw up" would be a good start. 

If Whitmer wants to know what a real apology looks like, perhaps she and her team could look to this hilarious cinematic example from A Fish Called Wanda. It wasn't sincere in the film either, but at least it sounded good enough.