The veepstakes story has already brought out a lot of silly speculation and advice for Mitt Romney, but LZ Granderson’s column at CNN might take the blue ribbon.  With Romney trying to close the deal with the GOP grassroots he’ll need in November and fighting an attack from Barack Obama of being an out-of-touch rich elitist, what better choice might there be than … New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg?

We’re gonna need a lot more than a 16-ounce serving of a liquid libation to wash this down:

It seems he hasn’t figured out that as long as Barack Obama is president, his base will be fired up in spite of his dull personality, so what he doesn’t need to do is waste this pick on a running mate Republicans will like.

What he needs is someone who can attract voters on the fence.

A media darling with a successful track record to point to and someone whose social politics won’t immediately get them labeled by independents as “crazy.”

Enter Michael Bloomberg: that union-fighting/gay-couple-loving renegade who would make things complicated for Democrats because he’s managed to get elected three times in the most diverse region in the country while being a rich, old white guy.

And why would this work?

Four years ago, Sen. John McCain selected a game changer who turned out to be better in theory than in practice. Like Sarah Palin, Bloomberg would be a curve ball. But while she got people talking, the New York mayor would get people talking and thinking.

How?

By being something many of the other VP options are not: a real Republican. An old school Republican.

Er, did “old school Republicans” renounce their party and run as independents in order to curry favor back in the day?  Rudy Giuliani won two terms as mayor before Bloomberg and didn’t feel the need to bail out of the GOP to do so.  Bloomberg switched to independent in 2007 and remains one to this day.  Memo to CNN: Real Republicans are at least, you know, Republicans.

Last I checked, real Republicans didn’t feel the need to impose nanny-state restrictions on personal choices, either.  At the same time that this “real Republican” was boosting National Donut Day, he was imposing a top-down edict that forbade restaurants and other establishments from serving anything more than sixteen ounces of sugary cola at a time.  Bloomberg has also barred New York restaurants from using trans-fats in their cooking, and all but criminalized smoking outside the home.  How exactly will picking the Nanny in Chief of the Big Apple help sell Romney as an alternative to Barack Obama?

Heck, at least there would be a little upside.  Compared to Bloomberg, Romney looks positively middle-class.  And it’s not as if adding a multi-billionaire to the ticket would help Obama’s efforts to conduct a class-warfare campaign against Romney, is it?  Naaaaaah.