I thought to myself, “Shall I stoop so low,” and the answer came to me easy as ear wax from my ear canal. Yes, I shall.

This, friends, is a video of Democratic Rep. Joe Garcia appearing to pick ear wax out of his ear, examine it, and then…eat it. And, thus, Garcia has forced me into a line of attack I have not used since second grade. Although back then the orifice of most common accusation was the nose, and frankly, there was usually far less proof of the guilt of the accused.

One one hand, I feel for the man. The price of a moment of stupidity has been raised so high by the Internet. I’m sure you could find video of me rubbing my nose, pulling my ears or dancing in some sort of embarrassing way if anyone saw fit to leak the B-roll of me sitting in the chair waiting for my O’Reilly hit every week. But, c’mon, MAN! You’re on camera. In the Congress!

If a Republican had been caught in this self-inflicted predicament, it would of course be emblematic of the GOP’s desire to scavenge the cavities of the American dream for every scrap of its detritus to deliver unto oil men or something. As it is, I at least look forward to watching a Democrat endure a couple days of late-night and “Daily Show” ribbing.

Garcia has responded to the controversy:

Those damn hangnails, they'll get you every time #perceptioniseverything

— Rep. Joe Garcia (@RepJoeGarcia) May 13, 2014

My mom always told me to keep my fingers out of my mouth, and now I know why. #hangnail #ithappens #camerasrolling

— Rep. Joe Garcia (@RepJoeGarcia) May 13, 2014

Wow, I'm almost trending as much as #JayZ ! #papparazzi

— Rep. Joe Garcia (@RepJoeGarcia) May 13, 2014

Washington is literally disgusting.

Exit question: For a politician, generally narcissistic as they are, is it better to be more famous than you’d ever thought possible, but only for a public hygienic faux pas, or just a middling, relatively respected politician with no discernible pop culture claim to fame?