Now that most of our major, coastal cities have embraced the idea that everyone can pick their own gender and attempt to prosecute you if you fail to reinforce their delusions, more problems have arisen. For example, it’s not just pronouns that offend people. Some have chosen to be neither male nor female. That may not sound like a big deal, but what about last century, transphobic phrases which are embedded in our language and culture?

The New York City metro system ran into a brick wall on that one. For ages they’ve had programmed, recorded announcements which include hateful salutations including, “Ladies and Gentlemen.” Yep, that one will have to go. Never fear, Social Justice Warriors… this is the Big Apple we’re talking about, with Bill de Blasio at the helm. We’ll get that cleared up for you in no time flat. (CBS New York)

The Metropolitan Transportation Authority is doing away with the phrase “ladies and gentlemen” in its announcements on New York City subways and buses.

In lieu of “ladies and gentlemen,” the agency will be moving to gender-neutral phrasing like “passengers,” “riders” and “everyone.”

Other changes include eliminating prerecorded messages and explaining in real-time the reasons for a delay when one occurs.

“We’re fundamentally changing the way we talk with riders to give them better and clearer information,” said MTA spokesman Jon Weinstein.

I’m trying to figure out how those new announcements will be phrased. Greetings, passengers? Good morning, riders?

For a moment I thought they might go with, Welcome Aboard, Citizens, because it has such an appropriately Orwellian sound to it. But I immediately realized that would spur an entirely different set of lawsuits. What about the non-citizens? What of the undocumented Americans in Waiting? The word “citizens” is essentially a hate crime in casual conversation at this point so that will never do.

And the Metro really doesn’t want to mess around with this one so you can probably sympathize with them. Keep in mind that in New York City, under a 2015 revision of the city’s human rights laws, you can be fined as much as $250,000 for repeatedly referring to someone by the wrong gender. Anyone selecting a gender other than male or female (which I’m repeatedly assured is now a thing) who goes out to ride the subway past a half dozen stops on their way to and from work might wind up being offended by that outdated recording at least ten times before they make it home in the evening. The Metro might wind up being fined tens of millions of dollars per day.

As bad as it sounds in New York City, things could be even worse if you attempt to flee to California. The Big Apple will just hit you with a fine, but on the left coast they can actually throw you in jail. I’m guessing Portland, Oregon hasn’t heard about this yet because they’re never ones to be outdone. I’m guessing by next year the phrase, “ladies and gentlemen” will get you the death penalty there.