There are apparently just so many attacks you can launch at the President from the peanut gallery per week, so you’ll need some alternate targets to train your sights on to fill up any down time. But who do you go after if you’re not focusing on President Trump? Why… the First Lady, of course. That seems to be the path being explored by Anna Nemtsova at the Daily Beast this week. She’s got the goods on FLOTUS and is eager to share.

The story is based in Slovenia, Melania Trump’s country of birth and where she spent roughly the first twenty years of her life. After describing what a beautiful country it is and how Slovenia is full of wonderful people, the author launches into a narrative about the FLOTUS’ home town of Sevnica. (Population roughly 5,000.) Melania is revered here, but… possibly a bit too much. (All emphasis added)

So people here are proud. Especially in the old Communist times, when Melanija Knavs was born on April 26, 1970, who’d have thought such a thing possible? Her past, her present, and her future generate endless anecdotes and all sorts of speculation. Indeed, there’s almost a cult around Melania, but it’s more about the idea of her than about the woman herself. Townsfolk say she hasn’t been back here in at least a decade.

Cue the dramatic hamster music. A cult? And what’s with her mysterious disappearance? How could someone possibly leave the town where they grew up and not go back for a decade? Fear not. They’ve dug up some answers.

One of her local biographers, Bojan Pozar, suggests “either her immigration paperwork has some hidden dark sides or something terrifies her in Slovenia.” But he doesn’t offer specifics. Back in 1992 Melania moved from Slovenia to work as a fashion model in Austria, Italy, and France. An ambitious woman, it seems she decided to draw a line between her past and future and never come back to her life in Slovenia.

Keep in mind that this is coming from no less reputable of a source than, er… Bojan Pozar. This is the same Bojan Pozar who is apparently a blogger and published author. His books include Melania Trump: The Inside Story and, um… “Making Melania Trump.” And that’s about it.

His expert commentary is that “her immigration paperwork has some hidden dark sides“. Or… something terrifies her in Slovenia. What are these deep dark secrets in the First Lady’s immigration papers? Pozar doesn’t know. What is it about returning to her home town which frightens her so? Pozar doesn’t’ say. In fact, he has not only zero details to offer, but not even a hint of any speculation as to what these damning secrets might be. Nothing.

But that’s good enough for some outlets like the Daily Beast to run with it, apparently. And hey.. why not? It’s probably a slow news day and you can only talk about Jared Kushner for just so long.