Irresistibly linkworthy given my post last night about how reektastic the trailer is. As bad as that was, though, I never seriously thought the movie itself would disappoint. How do you make a “bad” Indiana Jones film, after all? You’ve got Ford, you’ve got Spielberg, you’ve got the formula, you’ve got the music — just connect the dots and you’re golden. Even “Temple of Doom,” the worst of the three Indies, was solid. And yet:

In short, this is the Indiana Movie that you were dreading. I remember seeing the two trailers and though I was excited to see the old man in action again, I was kind of worried that they seemed to be missing ‘something’. That something was tension. During the whole of the movie, there was not a single moment that I thought our hero Mr. Jones (actually Colonel Jones as he was a hero in WWII now) was in any sort of peril or even significant inconvenience. In most cases, you were so many steps ahead of the characters that it was really just an arduous wait for them to get through it…

And then we go with the actual acting and characters. Well, everyone will be pleased to hear that LeBeef was horrible.

That’s as much as I can quote without dipping into spoilers. Exit question one: Shia LaBoeuf — the Jar Jar Binks of the Indy series? Stay tuned! Exit question two: Which cherished film series associated with George Lucas will be next to be run into the ground? Maybe we can hook him up with “Star Trek” and let him destroy that. Exit question three: Switching gears slightly, is everyone else as excited for the completely agenda-less documentary realism of Oliver Stone’s Dubya biopic? Sample quotation: “This is my personal sacrifice to show support for our troops.”

Tags: Indiana