Nicki Minaj: I'm headed to the White House to discuss my cousin's friend's balls

(Photo by Evan Agostini/Invision/AP, File)

I’ve written three posts already about this guy’s balls and can’t believe I have to write a fourth and really, really can’t believe I’m apparently going to have to write a fifth.

At least. Depending upon what goes down at the White House, we could reach an even half-dozen.

This site might as well start a “Nicki Minaj’s cousin’s friend’s balls” vertical.

I’m dying to know how this invitation was extended. Did Biden call her personally? “Hello, can I speak to Nicki Massage?”

I assume they’re going to have her meet with Fauci, ask him any questions she wants to ask, then expect her to parade out to a microphone to declare that all of her doubts have been eased about the shot’s effect on men’s sperm satchels. Little do they know, though, that she might not be so easy to persuade:

Team Biden will be counting on her to make the sale on vaccination to young adults across the country after her invite. What if she doesn’t want to? What if she’s still not convinced that the vaccines are safe after her meeting?

What if she shows up with a photo of her cousin’s friend’s onions and tells Fauci that his lies can’t account for why they’re the size of softballs?

By the way, does the Biden White House know that she’s, uh, apparently been red-pilled?

At the rate we’re going, we might see her turn up on Tucker’s show to debate Alex Berenson over whether the shot makes your balls swell up or fall off completely.

That’s only a half-joke, incidentally. Anti-vaxxers are thrilled to have someone with Minaj’s cultural reach pushing their garbage, which of course is why the Biden White House is scrambling to bring her onside:

If we’re going to scaremonger with anecdotal evidence about what might happen to one’s junk during the pandemic, here’s something about the threat the virus itself poses to your twig and berries:

In May 2021, Ramasamy published another small study in The World Journal of Men’s Health, examining the penile tissue of two men who had gotten Covid-19 and later developed severe erectile dysfunction (ED). They were compared to another two men who had not gotten Covid-19 but also suffered from ED.

Tissue samples from men who had recovered from Covid-19 still contained viral particles, even after the illness had subsided. Those men also had lower levels of an enzyme (endothelial Nitric Oxide Synthase), which is a marker of endothelial function, and a key part of achieving an erection, compared to the men who never had Covid-19.

Vaccination can’t protect you completely from infection but it can reduce the odds of it happening and sharply reduce the odds of a severe case that might start in the nose and throat, extend to the lungs, and eventually make its way downtown.

“Nowadays, Nicki Minaj says something on certain issues, and it’s probably not going to move the needle at all,” said an author who’s written about celebrity advocacy to CNN. “It’s basically going to be people on the right saying, ‘Go, Nicki Minaj. She’s great.’ And people on the left saying, ‘She’s a bad influence.’ And that’s probably the end of it.” Right, and then the two sides will flip once White House aides twist her arm and she chooses to recommend vaccination anyway. (Which she’s already done, in fairness.) It’s not a question of whether she’ll endorse getting the shot, it’s a question of when and how. Will she do it at the White House? Alone? Or with the president?

Or will she do it side by side with the sexiest man alive? Stay tuned.