Actually, they want to fly nine separate flags for different sexual and gender orientations. Nine.

Nine is a lot of flags, Budweiser. It’s a veritable gay UN.

And nearly every flag reflects multiple points on the spectrum of that particular orientation. Which means you’ll need a cork board, push pins, and string to keep track of all the different permutations.

Excited to reveal we are now proud sponsors of Pride in London! We are working closely with them and our charity partners to celebrate the diversity within the LGBT+ community and Fly the Flag for everyone at the #PrideJubilee

A taste of what's to come… pic.twitter.com/g1FYlXqJJk

— Budweiser UK (@BudweiserUK) May 31, 2019

You’ll recognize the rainbow flag in the upper left corner but the others are apt to be more mysterious. Luckily, the company decided to explain each one, although the distinctions among them aren’t always clear. (Click here and scroll down for the complete list.) For instance, the “Bi Flag” represents people who are attracted to the opposite gender, the same gender, and “your own and other genders,” whereas the “Pan Flag” represents those who are attracted to males, females, and “other genders.”

Straight, gay, “other” covered in both flags. Did Bud run out of ideas before it had filled all nine squares?

By consensus, the Internet appears to have deemed this one the winner:

Black is for asexuals who don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone. Grey is for grey-asexuals, who sometimes feel sexual attraction, and demi-sexuals who only feel it if they know someone well. White nods to non-asexual allies, and purple represents the whole community. pic.twitter.com/CfAExuxb99

— Budweiser UK (@BudweiserUK) May 31, 2019

“Grey is for grey-asexuals, who sometimes feel sexual attraction.” Isn’t that … nearly everyone? If you sometimes feel sexually attracted to other people but not always, then you’re non-asexual, i.e. an average person.

Except that the white band, not the grey one, is supposedly dedicated to non-asexual allies. So the grey band is only for non-asexual non-allies?

And why do we need a purple band for the whole community when the other three colors represent the totality of the population?

I’m tempted to accuse Bud of having made some of these up, but no, they’re all real, if likely unfamiliar to most outside the LGBT community. Frankly, I think they shortchanged lesbians: The axe flag is way cooler than the one Budweiser chose. And why wasn’t the “Bear” flag among the nine chosen, especially in light of how duplicative the “Bi” and “Pan” flags are? Not very inclusive of Bud, to be honest. Exit question: How do you do an online promo like this one and not include Incels, the official sexual identity of Internet addicts?