8 p.m. ET, one night only: Tucker Carlson vs. Michael Avenatti

I mean, it’ll probably be one night only. But I dunno. Avenatti’s running for president, Tucker likes to mix it up, they both enjoy attention — maybe this’ll be a regular thing.

Which would be good for America, I think you’ll agree.

Rarely do I promote cable-news screamfests before they’ve even happened but this one looks to be next-level. Carlson’s spent months calling Avenatti a “creepy porn lawyer” (more accurately, a creepy porn lawyer whose eyes are too close together) while extending him an open invitation to come on the show and take his lumps. Avenatti allegedly refused to do so unless and until Tucker met three conditions:

1. No more “creepy porn lawyer” stuff
2. An apology for the “creepy porn lawyer” stuff
3. Rudy Giuliani had to be on the show too so Avenatti could go after him

Nope, nope, and nope, said Tucker. Sack up, come on the show, and let’s debate hot topics like “Is diversity good?” man to man. In the meantime, Carlson and his guests would have some laughs goofing on Avenatti’s fledgling presidential candidacy.

Things came to a head yesterday when Avenatti and Stormy Daniels appeared on “The View” to dump on Trump. Tucker and his guest, Tammy Bruce, went off on him for it on last night’s program, with Bruce saying at one point, “We usually have a word for men who encourage women to sell themselves for sex.” That prompted this from Avenatti:

“I noticed that he doesn’t call his president the ‘creepy porn president,’ when Donald Trump is the one that had unprotected sex with my client four months after the birth of his son. I find that rather ironic,” said Avenatti to the Hill afterward, which … fair enough. Shortly thereafter he broke the news on his Twitter account — it was finally happening. Thursday at 8: “Tucker Carlson Tonight” with special guest Michael Avenatti.

The stakes are high for both since both owe their fame largely to the perception among their fans that they’re capable of effortlessly owning villains from the other team. Tucker getting embarrassed by the “creepy porn lawyer” on primetime Trump TV would be hugely embarrassing for Fox News fans. Avenatti getting embarrassed by the guy who runs segments about gypsies on Fox News would be a crushing blow to his image as the fightin’-est bro in the Democratic field. For the same reason, each man has to come out swinging; after all the insults, it would be high cuckery for either to try to play it cool and civil face to face. Odds of Tucker calling Avenatti a pimp and Avenatti calling Tucker a white nationalist: High. Should be a real sh*tshow! What a perfect 2018 cultural moment.