The friend-zoning heard 'round the world

A late-night treat to cleanse the palate. The good news is, watching this clip won’t kill you.

The bad news is, it’ll make you wish you were dead.

It’s basically Lisa Simpson and Ralph Wiggum in real life. You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.

No, actually, I think he’s going for a laugh with his reaction (a little). She seems to read it that way too; if the awkwardness between them were at a Wiggum-esque level she wouldn’t be laughing this hard, nerves or no nerves. The rest of the segment, which you can watch here, plays out comfortably enough too. He’s been friend-zoned but he’s clearly still in that state of hopeful denial where he thinks if he takes it with good cheer, keeps the pressure low, and continues to build rapport, he’ll graduate. That’s never worked yet in human history but keep at it, buddy. You could be the first.

The saddest part isn’t that this happened to him on television. The saddest part is that the television appearance was almost certainly something he plotted thinking it would help him escape the friend zone. They’d have a memorable experience together! Maybe they’d win a romantic getaway (they did — to Mexico) and things would change during the trip. In the end he’ll find himself wishing he was murdered as cleanly as Ralph was by Lisa.