Dream of ages realized: McDonald's on verge of making breakfast available all day nationwide

We all know the feeling of panic in the backseat at 10:25 on Saturday morning, praying that mom can make it to the drive-through window in five minutes so that you’re not stuck with McNuggets again. Thank heaven, my friends, that our own children will never know that feeling. Like a Twitter buddy said upon hearing today’s news, “Kids these days will never know the struggle.” Indeed. In an age where so much “progress” feels like regression, true progress — progress that took decades to achieve — feels like a divine blessing. And yes, I use those words advisedly: If there’s anything that might get me to revisit atheism, all-day breakfast at McDonald’s is it.

The arc of the moral universe is long but it bends towards hash-brown grease.

Customers for years have been asking McDonald’s to serve its McMuffins and pancakes beyond the late-morning cutoff of around 10:30 a.m., but the company held off because of the operational challenge to prepare breakfast items alongside hamburgers and chicken nuggets.

The company in March began adding food-preparation space to restaurants in San Diego, and later in Nashville, to accommodate all-day breakfast. The tests have been encouraging, according to Tuesday’s memo, which was reviewed by The Wall Street Journal. The memo, sent from LeAnn Richards, a Tucson, Ariz., franchisee who heads a task force studying all-day breakfast, said franchisees need to be ready for the potential launch of all-day breakfast as soon as October…

McDonald’s already has been struggling with the complexity of its kitchen operations, after adding numerous menu items over the years, from fruit smoothies to oatmeal, that have resulted in slower service and customer complaints about incorrect orders. In recent months, the chain has added options for people to customize their burgers with different toppings and buns.

There’s an “operational challenge” to sliding a pre-cooked disc of egg-like material under a heat lamp next to whatever it is that that burger meat is made of?

Someday someone will explain to me why anyone would go to McDonald’s looking for oatmeal, let alone enough people to make it worth their while to put it on the menu. Now, here’s where I’m going to surprise you, given my reputation for celebrating any form of edible garbage that America’s fast-food chains can think up. I think consumer demand for all-day breakfast at McD’s will prove disappointing, to a surprising degree. It’s not because it won’t be good; of course it will. We’ve all had everything on this menu and know just what a treat it is. The disappointment will come from the fact that … no one really wants to eat this stuff for dinner on a regular basis, do they? There’ll be a huge burst of interest in the first few months of all-day breakfast as we each experience the euphoria, planted in us by those backseat moments of panic, of enjoying a McMuffin while watching the sun go down. But then the novelty will wear off. The thrill of victory, having at last been tasted, will evaporate, as it always does. And eventually we’ll think, “Do I really want the McBurps while I’m watching ‘Impractical Jokers’ tonight?” We’ll still go every few months for some evening McGriddles — it’ll be fabulous drunk food, and all of us will be doing a lot of drinking soon if Trumpmania continues to build — but it won’t be a regular thing. If I had to bet, I’d bet that most people end up visiting McDonald’s no more frequently than they do now. That’s the human condition: You get what you’ve always wanted and then, after a while, eh.

Hope I’m wrong, though. Imagine the grievous loss we’d all feel if, after a year of McD’s offering all-day breakfast and basically no one taking advantage, they suddenly yanked it from the menu again. Now, enjoy this video from BuzzFeed proving once again that millennials are basically a different species, and that that species is deeply un-American.