Obama finally weighs in: Should guacamole contain peas?

And so, for the second time on this painfully slow news day, we confront this important question.

The media’s been telling us lately that Obama, with the end of his presidency on the horizon, now feels liberated to speak his mind, whether that means singing “Amazing Grace” during a televised eulogy or effusively praising a practice which he claimed God wouldn’t allow him to endorse just seven years ago. Now he’s chiming in on what’s proper and what isn’t in Mexican food. Maybe this is what the fourth quarter of Hopenchange looks like, with no topic too small for the full YOPO treatment from O. Frankly, I think it suits him. He got elected as a cultural phenomenon, not because of any knack for governance. Starting social-media fires over whether, say, Pizza Hut’s hot-dog pizza abortion is better than Little Caesar’s bacon-wrapped grease nightmare is exactly what he should be doing with his time.

It all started so simply.

Twitter went wild over that because everyone’s bored and looking forward to the holiday this weekend, and because few things lend themselves to the sort of vacuously stubborn insistence on the correctness of one’s subjective opinion that Twitter’s known for as an argument over food. O, meanwhile, was holding a Q&A on ObamaCare when someone slipped the “peas in guac” question in. And because he’s O, and nothing much really matters anymore anyway now that we’re prepared to let Shiite fanatics get a nuclear bomb, he responded:

As Sean Hackbarth said, if Justice Kennedy’s opinion stands for anything, it stands for the idea that the essence of liberty is the ability to choose what sort of weird food combinations to eat. I thought leftism and libertarianism were all about social experimentation and not accepting staid essentialist definitions of what something “must be.” Marriage can include gays. Women can include Bruce Jenner. Blackness can include — well, no, actually, it can’t include Rachel Dolezal, but that’s a special case. Two out of three ain’t bad. Why can’t guac include peas?

In case you doubt that O’s opinion is now liberal orthodoxy, take it from another liberal who agrees with him:

This is mere snobbery, and snobbery in service to populism is the worst kind of snobbery. If the Times had proposed adding, say, chocolate to Beef Wellington, no one would care. But guacamole is cheap eats, a staple of food that’s inexpensive, widely available, and usually eaten with one’s hands. It’s blue-collar food. Everyone’s had it, everyone has an unbending opinion on who makes it the best, and no one’s sacrificing an inch on “authenticity” by letting a vegetable like peas, that’s usually served as a side dish to a more frou-frou entree like steak, join the party. That also explains why there was so much grumbling about the hot-dog pizza lately. It’s tacky to have a strong opinion about which three-Michelin-star restaurant town is best, but it’s OK to be fanatical about what does and doesn’t qualify as appetizing in a food as democratic as pizza. In fact, I think part of the reason the peas-in-guac thing broke big today is because it was the Times that was pushing it. Leave it to an egghead Manhattanite writing for the ruling class’s favorite paper to mess with a simple pleasure like guacamole to make it more “artisanal” or whatever.

Bottom line: Eat the hot-dog pizza and put peas in your guac. It could work. And even if it doesn’t, you’ll at least have the satisfaction of not being that guy with his nose up, sniffing, “Personally, I’d never allow such a thing in my $1.99 taco garnish.”

Exit quotation from Piers Morgan, who proves once again that there’s no situation so bad that he can’t make it worse.