Video: Reality-show star perfectly demonstrates decline of civilization in two minutes

To cleanse the palate, a metaphor for cultural decadence so spectacularly apt that I can’t quite believe it’s unintentional. The “craft” she’s engaged in here is bad enough, but to have the star of “The Hills,” of all shows, doing the demonstration is just too good to be true. If you gave the “South Park” guys a solid month to think, they still couldn’t come up with a better goof on celebrity shallowness than this. The only way it could be improved is with Kim Kardashian in place of Conrad, maybe burning the pages off over an open fire instead of cutting them with an exacto knife. Can’t wait for next month’s craft lesson, in which Lauren repurposes canvas from old paintings to make some super cute shoes.

Exit quotation from Lemony Snicket, whose book you’ll see receiving the exacto treatment: “It has always been my belief that people who spend too much time with my work end up as lost souls, drained of reason, who lead lives of raving emptiness and occasional lunatic violence. What a relief it is to see this documented.” Click the image to watch.