To cleanse the palate, this reminds me of that now-infamous viral vid about the couple in Delaware who had their basketball hoop confiscated by the local petty bureaucracy. As in that case, rest assured that you will want to punch a wall after watching the clip. The news affiliate responsible for the report posted an online poll asking whether she should be allowed to keep the money; as of this writing, the vote stands at 7,684 to 106 or, in percentage terms … 99 to one. Local outrage is such that the mayor’s now been dragged into it, forced to stammer that he too thinks she should be allowed to keep the money and that they’ll review the policy by which the city keeps newly discovered cash if its owner can’t be located. They had better: Now that this story’s gotten major play locally and everyone knows the consequences of being honest, the cops will never again have a lost item reported to them when it’s found. Unless, I guess, young Ashley is the one who finds it.

Incidentally, is this Dallas, Texas? Good lord. Maybe the left has a shot at winning that state after all. Exit question: So, how much will Ashley and her folks end up making in donations from well wishers now? Over/under is $25,000.