Finally: Starbucks unveils coffee drink bigger than a human head

If the KFC Double Down qualifies as “news,” my friends, then so does this. Besides, what’s more suitable for fun, frothy late-evening blogging? A story about yet another damned Kennedy toying with running for higher office? Or a story about one of America’s foremost restaurant chains selling something that’d be more suitable for a horse? I ask you.

The headline is a joke, of course. The 31-ounce “Trenta” isn’t bigger than a human head, it’s … bigger than a human stomach. Or, if that’s not perspective enough for you, try this on for, er, size:

An adult human bladder, when full, holds about 500ml of fluid (or about 16.9 fluid ounces). Think about that the next time a barista asks you what size you’d like.

Here’s the question: Why? Not “why are they selling it?” but “why will people inevitably buy it?” Even knowing that they’re limiting it to iced drinks and therefore most of the extra tonnage will be made up of cubes, not coffee, I still went looking for it two days ago when I passed by a Starbucks. I don’t even like their iced coffee; it was more that I wanted to physically experience the caffeinated nirvana of a coffee bomb being dropped on my stomach. Was I man enough to cope? Or would the stress bring about a Boehnerian episode?