Mind you, this is a show whose previous winners include a Playboy playmate and Donny Osmond.

I’ve never seen an episode, but now that the hyperventilating has reached this unfathomable level of stupidity, I feel obliged to phone in a vote on Bristol’s behalf on Monday night. Imagine the melodious screeching from her critics afterwards if she wins. Their tears will taste … increditable.

“This will be a disaster for the show if Bristol wins,” one TV insider tells me. “Any creditability the show had will be over. It will go from being a dancing competition to a popularity competition where whoever has the most rabid fan base will always win no matter how little talent they have.”

And while it’s true Bristol’s dancing has dramatically improved since the season began, no one with working eyes would put her in the same league as the other remaining stars, Jennifer Grey and Kyle Massey.

“Another problem the producers foresee is that after Bristol wins no one in Hollywood will ever want to be on the show again,” a well-placed ABC source tells me. “Why would a real star want to compete and lose against someone like [former U.S. Senate candidate] Christine O’Donnell or Levi Johnston. It’s humiliating. The producers know they are in big trouble for sure.”

Well, they could simply bar political personalities from the show from now on. Or, if they’re smart, they’ll make next season’s contestants nothing but political personalities. O’Donnell and Levi are obvious choices, but they’ll both likely be voted out early due to public antipathy. That’ll leave us with crowd favorites — Dale Peterson, Basil Marceaux, the “Rent Is Too Damn High” guy, and of course America’s candidate, who’s my odds-on pick to win it all. Admit it, you’d watch.

Via the Radio Equalizer, here’s evidence of how deeply this moronic non-scandal has penetrated the country’s cultural consciousness. Are we sure Sarah’s still the most famous Palin?