Enquirer not letting go of this Al Gore massage story; Update: Portland police to re-open case

The accuser’s identified herself, she’s apparently promising some sort of DNA test on her slacks (don’t ask), and a friend of hers claims she told him the whole story right after it happened four years ago. Even avowed lefty and Keith Olbermann fan Tommy Christopher concedes that “things don’t look good for Al Gore here.” So why am I still skeptical to the point of incredulity that anything happened? Well, (a) if it did, then that Taiwanese animation will haunt my dreams forever, and (b) a sex scandal involving Al Gore is like a sex scandal involving Data from “Star Trek.” Yeah, it’s technically possible, but nothing short of videotape and sworn affidavits would ever get you to believe that it happened.

Having said that, I confess that the line in the police report about him “pleading for release of his second chakra” does sound oddly Goracle-ish:

The accuser said Gore maneuvered her into the bedroom. His iPod docking station was there, he told her, and he wanted her to listen to “Dear Mr. President,” a lachrymose attack on George W. Bush by the singer Pink.

“As soon as he had it playing, he turned to me and immediately flipped me flat on my back and threw his whole body face down over atop of me,” she said. “I was just shocked at his craziness.”…

Finally she got away. Later, she talked to friends, liberals like herself, who advised against telling police. One asked her “to just suck it up; otherwise, the world’s going to be destroyed from global warming.”

Yeah, really? His sex music is … “Dear Mr. President”? If you were going to make up a colorful detail and insert it into a story to get the media’s attention, isn’t that exactly the sort of thing you’d come up with? C’mon. Even John Edwards has the good sense to prefer tunes like “Rump Shaker” when he’s on the dance floor shaking it with grad students.

Update: Wow. Perhaps this is more serious than I thought.

In a statement Wednesday, police officials said: “The Portland Police Bureau has made the decision to re-open the case regarding the allegations brought forward against Mr. Al Gore.

“Consistent with our policy regarding open investigations, the Police Bureau will not be commenting on any additional specifics regarding this case at this time.”…

“If the complainant and the Portland Police Bureau wish to pursue the possibility of a criminal prosecution, additional investigation by the Bureau will be necessary and will be discussed with the Portland Police Bureau,” District Attorney Michael Schrunk said in a written statement last week.