The question: Does a man who spends nearly every waking hour at his work computer and who already owns an iPhone really need another portable Apple thingy? The answer: “Need” can mean many things, my friends. Do I “need” to spend seven hundred dollars so that I can explore the periodic table while lounging on my futon, even though my brand spanking new Dell desktop is located six feet away?

Perhaps. Perhaps.

Here’s the dilemma. My home computer is almost eight years old (I know) and on its last legs; the Dell is beautiful and up-to-date, but it technically belongs to the boss. So I need a new one of my very own, but I don’t like laptops and it seems a waste to buy a desktop that does the same stuff as the Dell. If only there were a third option, something geared at personal entertainment that’s light enough to carry around. Something shiny, with bright lights, and sleek enough to make rational human beings start behaving like the apes at the beginning of “2001” when they first see the monolith.

I’m reading articles like this to steel myself, but I can’t lie. I’m on a hair trigger. I could snap and place an order at any time. (Tomorrow’s Media Matters headline: “Teabagger blogger ‘on a hair trigger,’ ready to ‘snap.'”) I fear the fateful hour is near. Exit question: Stick with the Wi-Fi only model or wait a few weeks for the 3G?