Good news: New U.S. battlefield robots to feed on corpses or something

I’m torn. On the plus side, Bin Laden being composted by a piece of steel would be sweet poetic justice. On the minus side, when Skynet finally becomes self-aware, things are going to get dodgy in a hurry.

What if a guy’s not dead but just wounded and unable to walk? Gulp. (Literally.)

Robotic Technology Inc.’s Energetically Autonomous Tactical Robot — that’s right, “EATR” — “can find, ingest, and extract energy from biomass in the environment (and other organically-based energy sources), as well as use conventional and alternative fuels (such as gasoline, heavy fuel, kerosene, diesel, propane, coal, cooking oil, and solar) when suitable,” reads the company’s Web site.

That “biomass” and “other organically-based energy sources” wouldn’t necessarily be limited to plant material — animal and human corpses contain plenty of energy, and they’d be plentiful in a war zone.

Presumably there’s some way to distinguish between American and non-American corpses, and presumably it’s based on something other than, um, taste. Serious question, though: Given the media’s investment in casting America as the villain in every war it fights, how smart is it to risk a catastrophic error involving man-eating robots? Imagine a battlebot rolling up alongside the scene of a suicide bombing and unhinging its robo-jaw, like some sort of metallic anaconda, for a little “refueling.” That night’s very special edition of “Countdown” would be very special indeed.