A landmark entry in the storied history of scientific studies attempting to “prove” that righties are irrational cowards. Why a landmark? Because for once, believe it or not, the left arguably comes off worse than we do.

I’ll see your irrational coward and raise you an imbecile recklessly indifferent to legitimate threats. The perceived Democratic weakness on national security explained?

The research, led by Rice University political scientist John Alford and published today in the journal Science, attempts to connect the dots between a person’s sensitivity to threatening images–a large spider on someone’s face, a bloodied person and maggot-filled wound–and the strength of their support for conservative or liberal policies…

As evidence, the study found that greater sensitivity to the images was linked to more fervent support for a conservative agenda-including opposition to immigration, gun control, gay marriage, abortion rights and pacifism, and support for military spending, warrantless searches, the Iraq War, school prayer and the truth of the Bible. In other words, on the level of physiological reactions in the conservative mind, illegal immigrants may=spiders=gay marriages=maggot-filled wounds=abortion rights=bloodied faces. Before liberals start cheering, however, they don’t come off much more noble or nuanced. They were less sensitive to the threatening images, and more likely to support open immigration policies, pacifism and gun control. But according to the research, that’s hardly desirable, since it suggests that liberals may display mammal-on-a-hot-rock languor in the face of legitimate threats. “They actually don’t show any difference in physical response between a picture of a spider on someone’s face and a picture of a bunny,” Alford tells NEWSWEEK.

It’s not as half-baked as it sounds when you read through the whole thing. They’re not claiming political orientations are biologically determined, merely that they’re biologically influenced to some unknown extent — a theory that’s been bandied about for years. At base it’s a simple commentary on different people having different threat thresholds, tarted up with sexy analogies comparing Bush’s policies to maggots to draw media attention. Exit question: Is Iran a spider or a bunny?