Explain to me again the benefits of living in Florida. Proximity to Disneyworld: Got it. Besides that, I mean. Hurricanes, 98-degree weather with 98% humidity, cockroaches the size of a human fist, the occasional eight-foot gator in the kitchen — what is it that makes it all worth it? Is it the possibility of casting the tiebreaking vote in a U.S. presidential election? Even I’m not that much of a political junkie.

Listen to it hiss. Dude.