Good news: Global warming to bring about end times for conservative America

Not so much a prediction as a prayer. What distinguishes this from normal left-wing quasi-religious maliciousness, like attributing Tony Snow’s cancer to some sort of karmic blowback from his work for Bush, is that it’s not content to have the heathens drowned or boiled, as a deranged Phelpsian Old Testament preacher might be. This turd’s actually gamed out a whole new political order premised upon liberals ruling over a disenfranchised, ghettoized conservative untermensch. Something for the second printing?

The important thing is that we, on the higher ground both actually and figuratively, need to remember that, when they begin their historic migration from their doomed regions, we not give them the keys to the city. They certainly should be offered assistance in their time of need, but we need to keep a firm grip on our political systems, making sure that these guilty throngs who allowed the world to go to hell are gerrymandered into political impotence in their new homes.

There will be much work to be done to help the earth and its residents—human and non-human—survive this man-made catastrophe, and we can’t have these future refugee troglodytes, should their personal disasters still fail to make them recognize reality, mucking things up again.

Note that this scenario isn’t offered as an unfortunate but necessary outcome of the warming apocalypse but explicitly as a “silver lining.”