Video: Mitt tops key voter survey

Yet another poll fueled by anti-Mormon sentiment. I confess to feeling a violent urge every now and again when his pandering gets especially shameless, but is Mitt really the guy whose head you’d want to break a pool cue over? He seems so mild-mannered. I’m not sure he’d even fight back. Fred would be too slow to react and McCain obviously gets an exemption on account of heroic disability. That leaves Rudy and Huck, the latter of whom might be dangerous: I suspect he’s quick to temper and might very well go for the throat. So I settle on America’s mayor, a man who’d not only take a beer bottle to the skull with a smile but who, I bet, knows his way around a lead pipe or a stretch of rusty chain like few others. Give me a 12-pack of Newcastle and we’re all set.

Need I even say who topped the Democratic list?

Update: The other problem with taking on Huck is his wingman. Which isn’t to say that people haven’t tried.