New York Times staffers behaving badly

Over at The New York Times, being a janitor can be pretty cool. That is, so long as you’re a custodian of such “cool” and “sexy” items like data. Janitorial work of the more traditional variety, however, does not command the respect of the effete and urban class of journalists who spend their days striving for feats of reportorial excellence.

According to a series of emails, one of which was published almost in its entirety by Gawker, a custodian who works for The New York Times lamented how poorly he was treated by the reporting staff who work for the paper of record.

I work as a janitor at The New York Times. On Friday night around 2am I was harassed by employees of The Times who were getting drunk in one of the offices of the floors I clean. Besides calling me creepy and implying that I would harm them somehow, they also threw a garbage can full of Chinese food all over the ladies bathroom right after I cleaned it.

I don’t know if you guys could use a story like that but I figured you’d find that interesting.

I don’t know the names of the people involved or anything, one of them was a younger Asian girl.

The janitor’s identity has been withheld due to the fact that he or she feared retaliation from these Times’ employees for expressing dissatisfaction over this incident. The janitor in question went on to describe the four suspects in greater detail and identify the floor of the building where this incident occurred.

Gawker has requested that anyone who has additional information about this incident come forward to identify who these rude, drunken reporters might be.

There is no defending the abuse that this custodial professional had to endure from young and entitled news people who allowed themselves to over imbibe at the office one night. Surely, it won’t be difficult to identify those responsible for this infraction and reprimand them appropriately. It’s certainly in the Times’ best interest to make sure that these reporters’ identities are not revealed to the public.

As for the identity of the janitor, this is not the only time a New York Times custodian recently made it into the news.

In November, in a bizarre profile of a speed dating organization in which participants are asked to wear bags over their faces, we learned about someone who just might fit the appropriate description known only as “Katy Perry Guy.”

“KPG is incredibly awkward, and admitted that his last four OKCupid dates ended within five minutes of meeting him,” read New York Magazine reporter Allison Davis’ exceedingly tragic dispatch from the forgotten and loveless limits of the millennial generation’s despair. “His personality is entirely unique, to put it mildly: He’s wearing a Canadian tuxedo, he’s a janitor at the New York Times with a side hustle as a prominent scribe of erotic kitten fiction, and he loves Katy Perry unironically.”

Of course, the janitorial staff at the Times is probably quite numerous, and it is unlikely that this particular Times janitor is our Times janitor. But it couldn’t hurt to let your imagination run wild for a moment and consider what might become of a man with a Katy Perry fetish who is repeatedly mocked and harassed by his juniors at the most influential newspaper in the country.

You couldn’t write a better super villain’s origin story if you tried.