MSNBC’s spittle-flecked narcissist bemoans possible attacks on his impeccable fairness during tonight’s GOP presidential debate…while crossing his fingers that it really, really, does happen:

I try to be right. I don’t mind somebody saying I’m not fair — I try to be fair. … If someone says I’m not independent, it’s going to be very hard for me to bite my tongue. …

For twenty years I’ve paid the price of indepdendence. I’ve taken it from everybody … every night of my life for the past twenty years. …

If they accuse of me of being partisan, I’ll go rip! …

It’s not about me, it’s about them and who’s going to be president during these difficult times.

Gossip columnist Liz Smith’s gag reflex apparently is not in working order. She was “seduced” by this clown:

When Chris sat down to talk to me about his latest book, Life’s a Campaign, I felt I was in an electrified presence. He speaks in a rush, he looks around, and he has another appointment pressing. He’s a busy, in-demand, kind of guy.

He was teaching me something very valuable – what he calls “the art of seduction” – when his wife, Kathleen, joined us. And it worked; it was very effective – a method whereby the seducer keeps quiet, gazes unblinkingly into your eyes and persists in this listening pose. “I remember that look,” said Mrs. Matthews, who has been married to Chris for 27 years.

I remonstrated with Chris over the name of his book, saying that people who aren’t hot into politics might not be interested because of the title. He nodded, “Yes, I know. But I subtitled it What Politics Has Taught Me About Friendship, Rivalry, Reputation and Success.”

I had already read the book and found it a general primer for how to succeed in life by studying those around you. And it’s a whiz.

It’s a whiz! Cue that Chris Matthews’ cackle:

The Politico says all Fred Thompson has to do to meet low expectations at tonight’s debate is “not throw up.”

Not as easy as it sounds…