Good news: John Edwards is returning to the speaking circuit

Let the rehabilitation begin!

The former U.S. senator and 2004 Democratic vice-presidential nominee from North Carolina is scheduled to appear June 6 at a private retreat in Orlando, Fla., for lawyer clients of the marketing firm PMP…

Edwards has remained largely out of public view since his May 2012 acquittal on one charge of campaign finance fraud. A judge declared a mistrial on five other criminal counts after jurors couldn’t agree if Edwards illegally used campaign money to hide his pregnant mistress as he ran for president in 2008.

An itinerary says Edwards will speak for about 45 minutes as part of a program titled “Historic Trials of the Century.” Edwards earned millions as a personal injury lawyer before entering politics.

This guy. Go try to make things up with your children and leave everyone else alone. I guess they’re counting on him being a draw, but yuck, why have him speak? Surely there are other prominent lawyers who could give a decent speech without having cheated on their cancer-stricken wives while using said family struggle and faux solidarity as a campaign feature or denying paternity of a child of the affair while having a sycophantic staffer fraudulently claim it instead? They’re lawyers, but surely they could rustle up one who’s not the lovechild of Elmer Gantry and Voldemort.

Please feel free to explore future speech titles in the comments, within the bounds of our smut-control. If I recall correctly, the first vote I ever cast in a major election was against one John Edwards in 1998, for the North Carolina senate seat. I was wise to the skeeze beyond my years. People always say I’m crazy when I say he could make a comeback, at the very least to some cush UNC Chair for Poverty Studies or some such nonsense. He’s a Democrat, and he’s not even a domestic terrorist. He’ll be rehabilitated. It starts in June.