Even with all of the other significant and disturbing news cropping up on a daily basis, the legacy media continues to obsess over the fact that it sometimes gets hot in July and August in the northern hemisphere. Shocking… I know. But our intellectual betters aren’t satisfied with simply noting that it’s hot out. They want to ensure that we know why it’s hot out. The Associated Press dives into the question this week and consults some of their usual stable of experts to find answers. At the top of the list, of course, is climate change. Because they’re always going to blame it on climate change, at least until they come up with a way to blame it on racism. (Oh, wait… they already did.) But the AP’s experts claim that this summer’s heat waves are somehow different. Even climate change and racism combined can’t fully account for the temperature changes they are recording, so there must be something else at play.

I can see some of you smart alecs at the back of the class raising your hands. You’re thinking, ‘Could it be the natural cycles of the planet that have been causing the temperatures to rise and fall ever since the crust cooled?’ Don’t be silly. That’s foolish talk. The smarter people are pretty sure they’ve come up with the missing factor. Amazingly, the oceans in particular may be warming up because of… wait for it… cleaner air.

“What we are seeing is more than just El Nino on top of climate change,” Copernicus Director Carlo Buontempo said.

One surprising source of added warmth could be cleaner air resulting from new shipping rules. Another possible cause is 165 million tons (150 million metric tons) of water spewed into the atmosphere by a volcano. Both ideas are under investigation.

Florida State University climate scientist Michael Diamond says shipping is “probably the prime suspect.”

Okay, they’re going to need to piece this together for the denser among us. Isn’t clean air something we’re all supposed to support? And why is the air cleaner? And why would that make the oceans warmer? Apparently, it’s because new shipping rules implemented in 2020 forced transportation companies to greatly restrict the amount of dust and other particulate matter coming from the smokestacks of cargo ships. And those dust particles floated up into the upper atmosphere and reflected some of the sun’s rays. So with cleaner air, there is more sunshine reaching the surface of the water.

Okay… I suppose that’s possible. But we saw that much of a change in just three years? That sounds pretty drastic, but I’m still all in favor of cleaner air, so let’s go with that.

This is yet another case of climate alarmists finally realizing that the sun is the cause of pretty much all of the heat on the surface of our planet. (Aside from a small amount that comes up through volcanic vents.) And if the experts can’t force foolish humans to reduce their carbon footprints, by gosh they can at least do something about the sun. You remember when these maniacs actually started working on a plan to block some of the sun’s light from reaching the Earth, right?

In case you missed it, the most likely “solution” would involve huge planes that would blow dust and other particulate matter into the upper atmosphere to block some of the sunlight. But now they’re telling us that it was the elimination of particulate matter from the ships’ smokestacks that caused the heatwave. So didn’t you actually cause the heatwave by regulating the shipping industry?

Is anyone else getting a headache at this point? This climate obsession causes them to keep swinging for the fences with one bizarre claim after another, always pointing the finger at anyone but themselves. Here… allow me to offer them a one-size-fits-all solution that should make the entire left wing happy. What’s causing the heatwaves? It’s Donald Trump’s fault. There. Fixed it for you. Go forth and prosper.