Kim Jong-un is back, baby, and he's cracking down on... teenage sex?

Unlike Generalissimo Francisco Franco, North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un is still not dead. Despite persistent rumors of him suffering from some serious illness, if not having reached room temperature, the diminutive despot continues to show up on state media. Normally he’s inspecting weapons or troops, but this week he was reportedly tackling a very different problem. North Korean teenagers are, according to Kim, increasingly engaging in immoral, treasonous, decadent sexual behavior. This represents a terrible danger to the moral fiber of the nation, so Kim will be cracking down on the children as well as the parents and teachers who should have prevented all of this. (NY Post)

Kim Jong Un has gone nuclear in a new crusade against sex — lashing out at “immorality” and “impure acts” among teens in the Hermit Kingdom, according to a report.

After lying low off and on for the past few weeks, the reclusive leader has targeted what he deems “treasonous” behavior by youth with overactive sex drives, the UK’s Express reported.

Blaming “decadent capitalist influences,” including porn smuggled over the Chinese border, Kim suggested that parents and teachers could face punishment if they fail to control teens’ behavior.

So who is to blame for this decadent decline in morality among students? You probably won’t need three guesses. It’s the fault of the Americans and the rest of the western capitalists. All of our degenerate pornography is making its way onto the phones and screens of young people… at least the ones from families with enough money to afford a phone. Most can’t even feed themselves.

The way Kim’s party loyalists discovered what was going on gives us a chilling look inside North Korean society. All of their devices have an application installed on them called “Red Flag.” This tool records “all sites visited by users and randomly takes screenshots that can be checked by authorities.” And you thought you had digital privacy concerns in America. That’s about as intrusive of a system as could be imagined, and everyone is subject to it.

There’s one more interesting detail hiding in this report. According to one state media source, part of the blame for this deviant behavior among teenagers is described as “the postponement of the school year amid concerns about the risk posed by coronavirus.” Really? We’ve been told all along by Kim and his minions that there are no cases of the virus in North Korea. If you have zero cases, then nobody could be contagious. So why would you postpone the school year?

You don’t suppose North Korea could have been lying about their COVID-19 situation, do you? Nah. Perish the thought. I’m sure it’s just an error in translation.