Garrison Keillor ponders quitting Christianity over Trump

Understanding that Garrison Keillor is a satirist who largely speaks with his tongue planted firmly in his cheek, his latest column probably speaks a lot more truth about the state of liberal America today than many serious efforts at journalism manage to do. Casting about for someone to blame in terms of Donald Trump preparing to take the oath of office, Keillor settles on one group in particular: the Christians who voted in large numbers to elect the next president. So despondent is he about this development, the author prepares to abandon his faith. (Washington Post)

So I’ve been shopping around for a new religion to see me through the next four years. Too many of my fellow Christians voted for selfishness and for degradation of the beautiful world God created. I guess they figured that by the time the planet was a smoky wasteland, they’d be nice and comfy in heaven, so wotthehell. Anyhow, I’m looking around for other options.

Buddhism involves way too much sitting still for my taste; the Dalai Lama basically says, “Be gentle. Listen to the universe. Live in the moment. Let happiness flow through you.” And I think to myself, “This man has never had children.” Hinduism includes sacred cows, and my experience with cattle makes it impossible for me to revere them; they are stubborn and stupid, and letting them wander loose in the streets — why? Prime rib is their proper destiny.

From there, Keillor goes on to consider and then reject virtually all of the major religions of the world. (Along the way he declares that both Islam and Judaism are “great” but are simply too complicated to embrace.) In the end, he settles on… Confucianism

So I am left with Confucianism, accepting the sacredness of confusion. Life is messy and it always has been. We work hard to earn money, we neglect our health and then we pay the money to restore our health, meanwhile we forgot how to enjoy life, so what good is health anyway, and now 80,000 people in three states have elected a president who can’t focus on anything for more than a couple of sentences and who contradicts himself every other day. So it goes. Have mercy.

I suppose that’s a humorous piece if your tastes in writing run along those lines, but Keillor seems to be voicing something very real which plagues the heart of liberal America at the moment. Rather than accepting defeat and vowing to do better next time, the Left is stubbornly refusing to come within a country mile of the final stage of grieving. For most, their current plans include an endless buffet of foot stomping and breath holding, currently taking the form of a vast march on Washington by women. (Embarrassingly, the organizers wound up in a food fight when they began rejecting pro-life ladies or anyone else who wasn’t the correct sort of girl.)

Others in denial may choose to abandon the country entirely. There seemed to be some evidence of that phenomenon shortly after the election when applications for Canadian citizenship reportedly soared. Sadly, the people you probably most hoped would make good on the threat all changed their minds.

But the most common response seems to be the blame game. There’s been something of an internal war going on among Democrats, as Ed pointed out yesterday. It’s all coming down to finger pointing. Your group didn’t turn out enough voters! You were going too far left! You didn’t veer left far enough! Perhaps there are more like Keillor who are willing to blame members of their region. But throughout all of the teeth gnashing there’s still this overwhelming sense of disappointment. They’re sad that they failed to elect the first female president. But don’t worry guys, there’s good news on that front to sooth your hurt feelings.

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