"I Won't Say I Voted for Obama" virus seems to be spreading faster than that other one

The first outbreak was in Kentucky. Then, through some transmission mechanism which remains unidentified, it spread to Georgia. Now, despite the best Democrat efforts to establish some sort of quarantine or containment, the affliction seems to have made the jump to the Mountain State. West Virginia Secretary of State Natalie Tennant can’t seem to choke out the name of the person she voted for in the last two presidential elections.

Citing Grimes’s mishaps, the Charleston Daily Mail editorial board asked during a candidates’ forum whether the candidates would be willing to say whom they last supported for president. Republican Shelley Moore Capito and the Libertarian, Constitution, and Mountain party candidates volunteered the information, responding with their respective party’s presidential nominee.

Tennant would only say she “voted for the Democratic party” before immediately citing her objections to the president and Environmental Protection Agency administrator Gina McCarthy. She then launched in to a long explanation that evolved in to a stump speech about how she will stand up for West Virginians regardless of party.

Thus far the CDC seems to be doing absolutely nothing about this, even though the number of verified cases is now nearly as high as those afflicted by that other virus in the news. The similarities are eerie. We’re still not entirely sure how it’s transmitted, though all of these people do a lot of traveling by plane. Also, Ebola is known to cause excessive instances of both vomiting and diarrhea, while this new malady seems to cause diarrhea of the mouth, with the victim suddenly sputtering on endlessly about the privacy of the ballot box or party loyalty, rather than answering the direct question posed. Later stages of the disease seem to cause a continued discharge of words explaining all of the things they don’t like about the person they refuse to say they voted for.

The good news is that while Ebola tragically results in a 70% death rate among those infected, experts predict that this one will only result in the death of their political careers. Since there doesn’t seem to be any R&D work taking place which attempts to develop a cure, the only course of action at this point may be to isolate them from the rest of the population of candidates and elected officials and wait until their campaigns all expire. A video of the victim follows. It’s already been screened for any computer virus.