Bad news from Saudi Arabia: Letting women drive will dry up the virgin market

In case you were worried that the Arab Spring would spread into Saudi Arabia – one of the last remaining bastions of common sense – and result in their letting those pesky women drive cars, fear not! A new “scientific report” from a group of Muslim scholars has clearly identified that such a risky maneuver is fraught with danger.

Repealing a ban on women drivers in Saudi Arabia would result in ‘no more virgins’, the country’s religious council has warned…

The startling conclusions were drawn by Muslim scholars at the Majlis al-Ifta’ al-A’ala, Saudi Arabia’s highest religious council, working in conjunction with Kamal Subhi, a former professor at the King Fahd University.

The report warns that allowing women to drive would ‘provoke a surge in prostitution, pornography, homosexuality and divorce’.

Within ten years of the ban being lifted, the report’s authors claim, there would be ‘no more virgins’ in the Islamic kingdom.

Well, we certainly can’t afford a massive sell-off in the virgin market. Not to mention the dangers of having gays running around wild, selling pornographic magazines to these female drivers when they pull up to a stop light. Divorced hookers! Dogs and cats living together!

None of this, of course, addresses the real issue which western readers doubtless spotted immediately. Once the accident rate goes through the roof, everyone’s auto insurance premiums will rise. This will take money out of the economy, depress productivity, and before you know it the King will be calling for a national mandate to own insurance.

It’s a slippery slope.