Next brainstorm: Occupy Black Friday

Public support for the Occupy Wall Street movement has been plummeting in the polls of late, so they clearly needed some new marketing strategies which might shine up their reputation a bit. I’m not sure who they hired as a strategist, but they might want to reconsider their latest plan, which apparently involves “occupying” stores on Black Friday, just as the holiday shopping season kicks into full gear.

Some demonstrators are planning to occupy retailers on Black Friday to protest “the business that are in the pockets of Wall Street.”

Organizers are encouraging consumers to either occupy or boycott retailers that are publicly traded, according to the Stop Black Friday website.

The goal of the movement is to impact the profits of major corporations this holiday season.

Well, well… if I wanted to win over the hearts and minds of the 99% in America, I’m sure one of the first things I’d try is to shut down the stores where financially strapped citizens are hoping to take advantage of big sales to scrounge up some Christmas gifts for their families. It also has the added bonus of cutting down economic activity at the retail end, which generally provides at least some jobs (even if they are temporary) during the holiday season. A third – and perhaps more stunning – bonus, is that the inconvenience you cause will fall almost entirely on the shoulders of the poor and middle class Americans you ostensibly claim to be fighting for. The hated 1% probably have personal shoppers.

Did you think of any of this before cooking up this plan? Oh… I see that you did.

“Keep in mind that we are not occupying small businesses or hardworking people—we must make a distinction between the businesses that are in the pockets of Wall Street and the businesses that serve our local communities.

We are NOT anti-capitalist. Just anti-crapitalist.

I see. So… which stores do you plan on sticking it to in defense of the holiday spirit?

Neiman Marcus, Abercrombie & Fitch, Amazon, Wal-Mart, AT&T Wireless, Burlington Coat Factory, Dick’s Sporting Goods, Dollar Tree, The Home Depot, OfficeMax…

Whoa, whoa, whoa… hold the phone here. Back up a couple. Did you actually say Dollar Tree? And Home Depot? Dick’s? Burlington Coat Factory??? (They’re not all being turned into mosques, FYI)

Granted, if I somehow agreed with your basic premise, I might give you the first two on the list. Neiman and Abercrombie are fairly high end on the price scale and might attract more well heeled shoppers. But most of the rest of those stores primarily serve people looking to save a buck wherever they can. And you want to shut them down on Black Friday?

Oh, and as for your claim not to affect “hard working people,” you can peddle that elsewhere also. The folks you’ll affect are the ones who need their jobs working there. And they aren’t Wall Street fat cats. They are cashiers and stock clerks taking home minimum wage or a little above.

Genius. Just pure and simple, strategic genius. If any of you run out work on OWS I hope they pick you up to run Chuck Schumer’s next Senate campaign.