Obama denies meetings with extraterrestrials

Say, do you remember that online site the White House set up where anyone could form an online petition and receive answers from the government? While some people found it rather silly, I’ll admit that I thought it was a pretty neat idea. After all, living in the connected, digital age we inhabit now, it seemed like a 21st century concept which embodies that whole thing about the people’s right to “assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

Well, I may have to rethink this one a bit. According to USA Today, some folks seem to be putting this new tool to some rather… unusual uses.

The White House says there is no evidence of life beyond Earth — and no cover-up by the govenment — but scientists are still searching.

“The U.S. government has no evidence that any life exists outside our planet, or that an extraterrestrial presence has contacted or engaged any member of the human race,” writes an Obama administration official on the White House website.

Phil Larson, who works on space policy and communications at the White House Office of Science & Technology Policy, also writes that “there is no credible information to suggest that any evidence is being hidden from the public’s eye.”

At first I was sure I’d been redirected to an article from The Onion, but it turns out to be true. Some concerned citizens got together and entered a petition essentially wanting to know where the government was hiding the bodies from the Roswell crash.

“We, the undersigned, strongly urge the President of the United States to formally acknowledge an extraterrestrial presence engaging the human race and immediately release into the public domain all files from all agencies and military services relevant to this phenomenon.”

I suppose the system is working as intended, because it prompted the White House to take time out of it’s busy campaign schedule job creating work agenda to answer the charges. Mr. Larson goes to great lengths to assured the worried ufologists (yes… it’s a word) that we’re not meeting with the aliens, breeding a race of super humans or anything of the kind.

They do go on to point out that the search continues, citing programs such as SETI, Kepler and the next generation of Mars rovers. This will likely come as cold comfort, however, to those still sitting in their basements watching reruns of the X Files every weekend. But before we go pushing too hard to get President Obama to deny the existence of intelligent life in other parts of the universe, shouldn’t we first ask him to prove that there actually is some in Washington?

David Strom 6:41 PM on September 26, 2022