A dour, sullen, unsmiling, political hack. This was former president Donald Trump’s assessment of Mitch McConnell in a press release this week. Politico reported that Trump was persuaded to leave a comment about McConnell’s droopy jowls on the cutting room floor, so maybe there’s more to come. Wattle’ Mitch or Dewlap Mitch or some such.

But underneath this war of words was the substance of Trump’s threat. In the statement, he promised to “back primary rivals” to any of the McConnell supported Senate candidates who do not prostrate themselves before the Apricot Idol and swear to uphold the MAGA truths about the Sacred Landslide Victory of 2020 that was thwarted by the thieving apparition of Hugo Chavez and voting machines that revealed Satan’s Dominion over the earth.

There has been much hubbub in the press about this promise as they speculate about what a Mitch vs. Don hot war would look like. Might it take a similar shape to Mitch’s previous primary battles with the Tea Party and Bannon-backed nationalists? Might Cocaine Mitch get the last laugh?

Color me skeptical.