Look, Cats is already being ravaged by reviewers. I don’t necessarily need to pile on.

But after attending a screening last night, where at one point a man said to his girlfriend, “If we can survive this, we can survive anything,” I emerged from the theater with a few questions:

Why are these cats so f***ing small? The proportions of these creatures make no sense. They appear to be only as tall as maybe half a tombstone, they’re too short to reach a chair, and their wrists are apparently small enough to fit inside a ring. If the cats are the size of a small loaf of bread, then does that mean that the mice are the size of a human finger? Why are the cockroaches so sexy?