Bonaparte had to leave Elba. Nixon had to sit down with Frost. Ali had to rumble in the jungle. Michael Jordan had to come back and win more championships. Heck, Rick Astley even showed up at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade. A third Hillary presidential campaign would be the most talked-about, memed, discussed, promoted, analyzed event maybe in the entire history of the American republic. The release of her new logo would generate five million retweets. The amount of money raised during the primaries alone would exceed the GDPs of various mid-sized Latin American republics. Cable news would explode. The ratings for the debates with Trump would go into Super Bowl, even M.A.S.H.-finale territory.
Don’t misunderstand me. I am not suggesting that what the American people really want is a thrilling final chapter in the Trump-Clinton extended cinematic universe or a weird semi-comic sequel where Hillary uses the Force to fly through space and Michael Flynn milks a giraffe walrus but a straightforward soft reboot of the 2016 entry in the franchise. Look back at the last three years. Trump went in to the Oval Office promising to do about five million things that he never quite got around to; Democrats took control of the House promising to focus on health care and infrastructure. But the whole “issues” thing is just not really grabbing us. We are not interested in new characters or plot points or themes or locations. We need Benghazi, Emailgate, the early gritty James Comey-era Russia investigation, DNC hacks, Ted Cruz convention delegate rule shenanigans, non-visits to Michigan, and thousand-word explainers on campaign websites about cartoon Nazi frogs.
Give the people what they want, Hillary. Make America 2016 again.