Why America should absolutely buy Greenland

This is, in fact, a brilliant idea. There are a lot of reasons for this. The first is simply that Greenland is an impossibly cool place. It is the world’s largest island. It has glaciers, whales, walruses, polar bears, and the mighty musk ox. They also have the Slædepatruljen Sirius (“Sirius Sled Dog Patrol”), an elite naval reconnaissance unit that is one of the hardest special forces in the world to join. The warriors of the Sirius Patrol are required to have world-class expertise in an unbelievably long list of military, technical, and other skills, including sewing. Tell me you don’t want the United States to have something like this.

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Then there is the climate angle. The only real upside to melting Arctic ice is the increasing accessibility of various resources: oil, zinc, lead, iron ore, even gold and diamonds. If the worst-case climate change scenarios don’t pan out, well, that would be a relief; but if they do, why shouldn’t Americans be the ones to lead the world in 21st-century polar mining? In the meantime, Greenland remains one of the most important locations in the world for climate-related research. Having it would be the ultimate “Heads I win, tails you lose.” Heck, as some wags have suggested, Trump could just call it the “Green New Deal.”

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