In the meantime, since all of this is probably only going to happen on paper anyway, I think Trump and Stephen Miller should get busy dreaming. Start with the name of the executive order. Instead of something lame like “EO 23212 Regarding the Crisis at the U.S.-Mexico Border,” he should call it “Order 66: Entombing America’s Numerous Enemies in a Red Hot Grave Forever While the Rest of Us Shout F-R-E-E-D-O-M at Them From the Windows of Our Red White and Blue Ford Raptors.” Likewise, I see no reason why he should exercise restraint when it comes to selecting materials. Concrete slats? Glass? Please. Stone or nothing. And I don’t just mean the barrier itself either. The president should insist on populating the area on our side of the wall with obelisks, ziggurats, menacing Trump-faced sphinxes. He should run a river of molten lava underneath the wall and put archers along the border at 50-feet intervals. The briefs in which high-powered lawyers working pro bono argue that there is no constitutional mandate for the use of Department of Education funds to purchase of lava-proof immigrant-tracking nuclear submarines would make for amusing reading if nothing else.
Go hog wild, Mr. President. After all, Mexico is picking up the tab, right?