The $20 mini of the famously tight-lipped Mueller — which is available for pre-order beginning Tuesday — comes with an array of strictly nonclassified features.

His “meticulous hair,” according to the product design maker, helps him “stay on message always,” while his “perma-sealed lips won’t sink ships.” He’s posed with an open hand “ready for the smoking gun,” and “impermeable shoes in case of tweetstorms.” The designer says the 74-year-old Mueller’s extended finger “pokes holes in flimsy alibis,” and he sports a fixed gaze “because he knows you know he knows.”