That’s why we need someone who can win over all the suburban dads still lying to their wives about who they voted for in 2016. All we have to do is create a safe, semirespectable place for them to politely set their votes on fire.

To make that happen, all that any of these never-Trumpers needs to do is mount some kind of vaguely credible independent candidacy. Get T-shirts, yard signs, a few TV ads, and enough name recognition to ride the support of confused poll respondents right into the debates. Give a few speeches about restoring civility and good manners and tax cuts for people who own several boats. Come up with polite-sounding names for taking away people’s health care and rounding up immigrants. If someone named Dmitry calls the office, hang up immediately.

Next thing you know, Mitt is harvesting 15 percent of the vote in Michigan behind a campaign made up entirely of a single appearance at an outlet mall. In that scenario, the Democrats could nominate Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s worn-out shoes atop a stack of Karl Marx paperbacks and still coast to victory.