We’re getting there aren’t we? There’s a slow shift, the platelets of compassion are moving, aligning, and we’re finally understanding that our words have consequences. Those willing to sunbathe on the wrong side of history call it the age of the snowflake, do air quotes when they say “woke,” or mourn free speech, but the fact is that “shaming”—lampooning, criticizing, or judging someone because of their kinks, looks, or physical attributes—is no longer acceptable. Unless… well.

If you’ve been fortunate enough to live in a dark cave with no hint of wifi over the last few days, you’ll be blissfully unaware that a certain prominent male’s member has been making headlines and storylining nightmares thanks to its distinctive appearance. This penis could only belong to one man, Donald Trump, and thanks to Full Disclosure, a new book written by his leading nemesis, adult movie actress Stormy Daniels, we’ve been treated to a full description.

In a leaked section of the book, Daniels says: “His penis is distinctive in a certain way. He knows he has an unusual penis.” Already you may be screaming STOP at your screen, but I’m afraid full disclosure is as full disclosure does. Daniels goes on: “It has a huge mushroom head. Like a toadstool.” The “mushroom character in Mario Kart”—an enchanted, sentient toadstool called Toad, for any non-gamers out there—is mentioned as a potential doppelgänger.