Maybe we should stop accusing women of “sleeping their way” to the top. Maybe because men have been the ones sleeping women to the middle and bottom.

I’ve often thought about the lost potential of the women who left their respective industries after a run-in or several with a bad man—the actresses Harvey Weinstein bullied and discarded, the up-and-coming journalists or political thinkers Charlie Rose’s open bathrobe chased away. Female comics and creators who quit after their idol whipped his dick out in front of them, after their editor made them feel small, over and over. It’s impossible to quantify, but terrible to imagine.

But it’s not just about the women who were destined to be leaders. Some were just trying to make an honest living in an industry that made them happy. Most were just trying to survive.