I’m not the only one who thinks the Elf on the Shelf is Creepy with a capital C. Some of my friends skip the whole spying part of the story and just entertain their kids by concocting wild poses and mischief for their elf each day. But as I watch these parents searching for new ideas and posting about how tired they are of their elves every year, I have to wonder: Did any of us really need another holiday “must” in a season already chock-full of them?

The holidays are wonderful — and exhausting. I don’t know a single parent who sits around talking about how much they wish they had even more to do every damn day in December. So why on Earth have we bought into this ridiculous Elf on the Shelf craze? It’s nothing but an excuse to sell everything from the elves themselves to a full line of merchandise, and while I can appreciate the hustle, I’m going to have to bow out of this particular frenzy. Sorry not sorry, kids, but you’re not getting an official Elf on the Shelf Saint Bernard stuffy this year, and you’ll have to skip the Elf on the Shelf pajamas too.