The City Council, of course, provided a whole host of dumb reasons to justify the rules: The uniform “lends itself to criminal conduct” (OMG, YOU ARE RIGHT, WOMEN CHOOSING FOR THEMSELVES TO WORK IN A PLACE WHERE THEY WEAR BIKINIS TOTALLY MAKES EVERYONE NOT SAFE), it could “have adverse impacts upon minors” (I WOULD HAVE GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL, DAD, BUT THERE ARE BUSINESSES OUT THERE WHERE WOMEN SERVE COFFEES IN BIKINIS AND THEIR VERY EXISTENCE LED TO MY DEMISE), and that it “is closely and customarily associated with adult entertainment and adult situations.”

Now, that last one really is a kicker — because it suggests that a bikini is inappropriate in itself, regardless of whether or not it’s being worn in a restaurant. Using this logic, couldn’t the city government also move to ban bikinis at beaches? After all, there are families there, and it might not be the best place to have people around wearing clothing that “is closely and customarily associated with adult entertainment.” It may seem unlikely, but nothing the government does surprises me anymore . . . and I think we’d better stop this kind of thinking in its tracks before we’re forced to have to try to tan wearing wetsuits and goggles.