Historically speaking, Republican presidents spend tax dollars fighting the porn industry, dragging them to court over various obscenity charges. Take Republican candidate Ted Cruz, who once argued against the right to buy dildos, citing the need to discourage “prurient interests in sexual gratification, combatting the commercial sale of sex and protecting minors.” Cruz, a so-called constitutional lawyer, felt he was defending public morality by infringing on people’s right to purchase a sex toy.

“There’s no way we could have Cruz for president. This guy would get rid of whatever is left of porn, would just totally obliterate it,” said parody-porn veteran James Bartholet. “He’d probably find a way to get rid of Pornhub and everything else on the internet. Then what would people masturbate to, National Geographic magazine? Swimsuit catalogues? The possibilities are scary.”