Meanwhile, due to everything from the aforementioned contraception obsession to just a general breakdown in traditional morality, men are no longer asking women to marry them. And a good number aren’t even asking to be in relationships. And why would they, exactly? I mean, it’s not just that they’re delaying marriage, it’s that men are completely confused by the rules and regulations governing dating thought crimes. (It’s perhaps worth noting that one of the only plot devices in Fifty Shades involves the two lovers engaged in negotiations over a lengthy and very explicit contract governing sex.) Men aren’t growing up as their fathers and grandfathers did because work options are limited, debt is high, sex is simultaneously easily available for some and an almost impossible goal for others. Fact is, I bet we are having less sex per capita than any time in human history. Sexual revolution my arse.

And even for those who are married, many have problems. Busy work schedules by both partners kill any time for sex. Men are addicted to ubiquitous porn, which cruelly renders them impotent with real women. Women are resentful of their husbands. Husbands are resentful of their wives. Humans are sinful and the way we do sex and companionship are proof of that.

Couldn’t it be that women who like the horribly written, emotionally stunted Fifty Shades business are simply throwing up their hands and admitting they wish men would just take charge again? They’re just as sick of the confusing labyrinth of dating rules and sexual manipulation as men are. They want to be lost in a relationship, completely submitting to a man who is dangerous enough to need rescue but loving enough to notice what makes them beautiful.