A new study in the Journal of Consumer Research finds uncovers some interesting findings about how we cope with failures. A big personal or professional disappointment disrupts how we see ourselves, and we often respond unconsciously. Say you get passed over for a big promotion. You might go out and buy the luxury watch or designer handbag you were going to reward yourself with anyway, as if to say, “See? I don’t need them to look successful,” in an attempt to bolster your bruised ego.

But there’s a catch: The researchers suggest that, instead of cheering you up, anything you buy that’s associated with whatever you’re trying to forget actually just serves to remind you of that flub or failure. Instead of being a consolation prize, it acts as a trigger that makes you feel even worse, chips away at your self-control and even impairs your ability to focus on completing difficult tasks.